I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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