I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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