My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
oh god the rape fog is back!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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