Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
