My room smells like vodka and shame
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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