can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
