I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I deserve this hangover.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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