1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think my vagina is haunted
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
