Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
