Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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