it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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