How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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