Already got asked if we're dating
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
