im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
