sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
