I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
