Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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