So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
