I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This is the high leading the old right now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
