Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
