I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
