Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Houston, we have a squirter
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
