went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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