Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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