you guys were way drunker than both of me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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