just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
