sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
These tits shall not be calmed
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
