So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
