you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
