Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
