If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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