I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
