i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dignity is for republicans.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
