My nipple is on Facebook.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
