great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
