I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize