You smell like a Billy Joel song
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
