So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
