just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How does one acquire holy water?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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