Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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