mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize