I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
