About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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