Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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