Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
