She said her name was "party"
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
