Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
