Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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