I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
