We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
