Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
