Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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