watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize