My pussy is not your playground.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
