We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
