Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
