i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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