She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
