mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
