Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
