now i know why i became what i already was.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
