I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I look better un-naked...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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