i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
