the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
