wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
3 2 1 whiskey
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
