ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
