He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
