I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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