I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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