I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize