We should be called the Road Head Warriors
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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