they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
