I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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