I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
