Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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