I cockslap morals
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He felt like a one man threesome
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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