I'm eating all of the evidence.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
ok first of all what the fuck
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
