you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The uberlube is also flammable
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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