dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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