He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
