I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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