I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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