he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
