can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
