Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
