I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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